Police called after student gave classmate several slugs to the head

Funny story written by Purple Girl

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

image for Police called after student gave classmate several slugs to the head
Police arrived after a student allegedly fired several slugs at a classmate's head.

Police were called to Johnston Elementary School after a student allegedly fired several slugs at the back of a classmate's head.

7-year-old Tonya Perkins ran to a teacher saying she was shot several times in the head. When asked who shot her, she pointed at Paul Jenkins, an 8-year-old boy. Her teacher, Jennifer Mowry, carried her to the school nurse, who could not seem to find any bullet wounds.

Jeanette Phillips, the school nurse said, "This was the oddest thing I saw. She was alive, not bleeding, and there was this peculiar slime in her hair. It looked like someone blew their nose in her hair. Then I noticed something crawling in her hair. It was an interesting creature."

Meanwhile, Ms. Mowry called the police, saying one of her students was shot. The police and rescue came quickly and officers locked down the entire school as they searched for guns. The police were stumped when the only weapon they could find was a slingshot.

Officer Mike Stratton says, "That was weird. We couldn't find a gun anywhere in the school. We did find knives in the cafeteria, several nail files, and a number of math compasses, but no gun. Finally, we found a slingshot that had the same slimy residue that we saw in the girl's hair."

Another faculty member called Jenkins' mother and she quickly left her salon and arrived at the school to help sort things out.

"When I heard that Paul shot a classmate, I decided to catch a glimpse of his victim, and she appeared to be okay, and wasn't bleeding. However, she had slime in her hair, and I offered to wash and style her hair for free."

The police finally left after realizing that there were no actual guns involved, and that nobody was actually shot with any dangerous projectiles, though they confiscated the slingshot. Paul Jenkins was asked to give the young Perkins a written apology.

The science teacher thought the entire incident was hilarious, saying, "I can't believe it. All this fuss was made over several members of the Limax maximus species!"

As news crews left, several students were witnessed calling Tonya Perkins names such as "spotted girl."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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