La Crosse, Wisconsin. After having an open kidney surgery to remove a blood vessel that was wrapped around his ureter, Bradley Smith, 35, confessed he was really happy that a clinically-depressed friend of his came to visit him at Gundersen Lutheran Hospital last Thursday, but that he was also slightly worried that the man's waywardness and lack of focus may cause him to step on the catheter that was stuck inside of his penis hole before becoming hopelessly entangled in the medical tubes that had been placed in the veins of his right arm.
"I understand that clinical depression is a very serious thing and that it's nothing to laugh about, but I had a catheter stuck inside of my penis hole, and I didn't want it yanked out at the wrong time," Bradley stated.
Traumatized by thoughts about what could have happened (but didn't) Mr. Smith then needlessly elaborated on the fact that there is a 'balloon-like' structure that has to be properly deflated before a catheter is pulled out by a sympathetic, kind, and loving nurse.
After acknowledging that it would have hurt "really bad" if his clinically-depressed friend, Thomas, 29, had tripped, stumbled (or perhaps even fallen) over the plastic device that had been pushed into the sensitive inner-lining of his cock, Brad then displayed a little bit of empathy for people who are depressed by adding that the 'slightest error of movement' would have caused the air-filled medical device to tear the blood vessels inside of his navicular fossa completely apart in an extraordinarily horrifying way.
"I guess I shouldn't think about it too much because that would only cause more anxiety," Brad said before he was told by doctors that there was a rubber stent located inside of him that would have to be removed by a medical scope with a threading device, that would pierce into the depths of his shaft in a relentless fashion 6 weeks later...and that he would have to remain fully awake and unmedicated while it was happening.
Observers noted that existential concern over the matters of clinical depression didn't seem to worry Brad when he suddenly realized that his most prized possession (meaning his penis) would be opened up again ruthlessly so that a doctor could go spelunking past his testicles in search of a foreign object that (when removed) would cause a burning needle-like sensation to shoot throughout his insides and cause bloody urine to spray out of his urethral opening for the next two months.
"I hope my friend can get the help that he needs because depression should not be taken lightly," Brad confirmed before another doctor came into the room, told him he had cancer, and informed him that he was probably going to have a massive and fatal heart attack within the next 3-5 years.