Forever 21 Goes Out of Business--To Reopen as AARP Thrifty 63

Funny story written by Amiko Aventurista

Wednesday, 2 October 2019

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Former fashion powerhouse retailer, Forever 21, announced it will close three Arizona stores effective December 31, and its remaining outlets in 2020. According to Forever 21 president, Jin Sook Chang, "... the retail fashion market has evolved and we must also. When we began our customers thought, and so did we, that they would be 21 forever, but sadly they grew old, hard of hearing, overweight, out of shape, fashion dinosaurs, and frankly no one wants to see granny in a T-shirt that says, What's Your Sign, Romeo?"

As part of its rebranding, when Forever 21 exits bankruptcy it will emerge as AARP Thrifty 63, stated Chang. "Our partnership with AARP is exciting. They are helping us reimagine all aspects of the business. Everything will change, change, change. We are going to be three times better and that, along with our partnership with AARP, explains the name change. To prove my commitment to stockholders, suppliers and Wall Street, I'm going to add an "e" to the end of my last name."

AARP President Jo Ann Jenkins cheered the news. "Now our members don't have to learn a new driving pattern, and thats a big plus." However, Wall Street analysts expressed caution. "I like that Chang, I mean Change, has kept a number in the store name for continuity, but selling short skirts to women with knee replacements sounds risky," said Charles Schwab president, Walter Bettinger II.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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