Nashville Rated City Most Likely to Appear in Top Ten Lists

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 30 September 2019

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Single women over 40, don't move to Nashville - or do, depending on which list you're checking.

Edging out urban centers like Los Angeles and Baton Rouge, Nashville was rated the city most likely to appear in top ten lists, snagging top slots in everything from Best Country Music Destinations (#1), Best Craft Beer Cities (#6), Best Cities for Single Women Over 40 (#8), and Worst Cities for Single Women Over 40 (#2).

"We're very versatile," said newly-elected Nashville Mayor, John Cooper. "I like that we not only hit the big lists, like Best Bachelorette Party Venues and Best Real Estate Investment Value, but also the more eclectic ones, like Most Pretentious Hipster Coffee Shops and Most Per Capita Posers."

Nor does Nashville's list presence avoid controversy, as indicated by its nailing the number-six position on underground anti-fascist list Most Closeted Racist Cities.

"We're not exactly bragging about that one," said Cooper. "But then again, we didn't even place on Most Unapologetically Racist Cities, which I think is a very good sign that we're headed in the right direction."

One list that Music City did not make, however, was Fittest, Fastest, Most Health-Conscious CitiesĀ  - an absence Cooper does not foresee changing anytime soon.

"Health care is one of our top industries," he said. "We'd have a lot to lose if people actually started taking care of themselves."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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