Angry, Controlling, Sports-Obsessed, Bullheaded Psychotic Piece Of Shit Finally Earns Master's Degree In Educational Administration

Funny story written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 11 August 2019

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Obtaining a career in education is still the best way to meet the nicest people, and don't let anyone tell you different!

Portage County, Wisconsin. Much to the chagrin and horror of his colleagues at Lincoln Central High School, 46-year-old psychotic piece of shit, Aaron Michaels, successfully completed all of the testing that was needed in order to gain his Master's Degree in Educational Administration last Thursday.

Due to the fact that he had been feeling burned-out and unhappy with his current salary of $54,000 a year as a math teacher and football coach, the condescending, two-faced, power-hungry, arrogant fuckface felt it was time to move up within the public school system.

After completing the final requirements for the prestigious degree at a nearby university, the diarrhea stain was so excited that he accidentally drove over several elderly people and a few helpless, screaming children with his 2007 GMC Sierra Truck on his way back home to celebrate his achievement.

The celebration, which involved the hopeless and incurable narcissist grabbing his gorgeous, large-breasted, red-haired wife of 22 years and giving her a good, solid, tremendous pounding against the refrigerator, lasted 12 seconds before plans were made to buy a much bigger house and some more furniture.

Because 67-year-old Principal Wesley Harlon (a decent, humble, and emotionally-balanced individual who genuinely cares about the well-being of both the students and the educators in the building) plans to retire at the end of the 2019-2020 school year, he will be replaced by the thoughtless demon, who (according to reporters) actually began foaming at the mouth while describing all of the control and authority that he will soon have.

With the confidence of knowing that his salary has been significantly increased and that a belligerent amount of intimidation and aggression will keep pretty much anyone from arguing with him once he takes full command, Mr. Michaels was willing to confess that he blew a gigantic load in his pants while dreaming about forcing older teachers into early retirement by giving them all of the worst students and bombarding them with continual demands to update their lesson plans, and constantly change their instructional methods.

The egotistical butt-slammer also drooled while stating that he plans to use massive funding to build a gymnasium the size of a professional arena, and that he will thoroughly enjoy toying with burned-out college students during interviews before he uses their perfectly-designed resumes to wipe his ass.

"In my opinion, I think it's time that American schools focus more on athletics," Aaron angrily declared while horns began slowing growing on the top of his head.

"And I'm never actually going to hire anyone who is unable to coach a sport, but I will enjoy grilling individuals in desperate need of a job during highly-pressurized interviews as my female secretary gives me a blowjob underneath my desk," the hideous tool fiercely added.

Upon revealing that his ultimate strategy of 'changing things simply for the sake of change' every year would actually give his beloved co-workers ulcers before they finally quit and look for different jobs, the tyrannical, heartless prick then confirmed that the bullying he endured as a child had absolutely nothing to do with the horrifying torment that will be unleashed in the Fall of 2020.

"MY SALARY IS GOING TO BE $120,000 NEXT YEAR...BITCH!" Mr. Michaels also ferociously screamed at an innocent jogger, who immediately ran back into his own house and locked all the doors out of complete and total fear.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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