Oral sex banned again at Druids' upcoming Tooting Bec Lido solstice romp

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

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Lewd acts and gallons of real ale at Tooting Bec Lido

Tooting, London - Authorities have renewed a banning order on oral sex in pubic places at this Sunday's annual summer solstice orgy.

Festivities planned by Ye Ancient Order Of Bards And Hos were due to take place at Tooting Bec Lido, a swimming pool made famous by Brad Pitt's boxing scene in the movie Snatch.

However a spat has erupted with Tooting Elf and Safety officials over the compulsory use of non-vegan rubbers from a poolside vending machine causing a schism among Druid elders on the eve of their annual astrological ho-down.

As previously reported by QM-NewsCorpse sources the ancient Druidic summer ritual is steeped in mystery involving lewd sex acts and gallons of real ale.

In 2012 their revelries caused outrage after Brothers Pan, Rugwort and Uther Pendragon engaged in a five hour shagathon with Sister Skyclad during astrologically-themed chanting, dancing, drinking and fireside tattoo exchanges in the swimming pool's grounds.

Rival Druid chapters later tore a strip off the Tooting Bec branch for not being arsed to schlep all the way down to Stonehenge where all official summer solstice ceremonies now take place.

They pour scorn on suggestions that Tooting Bec Lido is in direct alignment with other famous solar temples such as Angkor Wat, the Great Pyramid of Geezer (sic), Syria's Krak Des Chevaliers, Paris' Notre Dame Cathedral and Ukraine's Donetsk Stadium.

The Sun enters the sign of Cancer around 16.38 local time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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