Arnold Schwarzenegger Attacker Awarded Necklace

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 19 May 2019

image for Arnold Schwarzenegger Attacker Awarded Necklace
The necklace in the story was rather more 'rubbery' than this one

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been assured that the man who attacked him at a sporting event in South Africa yesterday, has already been dealt with, and won't be seeing the light of day again.

Arnie, 71, was in Johannesburg to promote his Arnold Classic Africa event, when the man suddenly ran up behind the star as he was talking to adoring fans, and launched a two-footed kick into the small of the Terminator's back.

The man sustained two broken legs, two broken feet, two broken ankles, and a broken hip. His reputation was left in tatters.

Arnie laughed:

"It wasn't 'I'll be back!', it was 'in my back'!"

Security men immediately leapt on the man, and dragged him away somewhere quiet, so that he could be 'interviewed'.

Schwarzenegger said later:

"I felt a nudge in my back, and then the security guys led someone away, 'for a special award', they said. Apparently, they awarded him a necklace, which is odd, but, if that's their custom, that's the way it is!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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