Charleston Man Avoids Relationship Conversation by Resuming Dipping Tobacco Habit

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 27 April 2019

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The now-single Trey is back to habits he enjoys, like smokeless tobacco use and sleeping unfettered with his dog.

Trey Lipscomb of Charleston, South Carolina, successfully avoided what he anticipated would be a highly emotional conversation with his fiancee, Kerry Harper, regarding whether their relationship was really working, by resuming his habit of dipping tobacco, which he’d abandoned two years ago at her insistence.

“Not to be cliché, but sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,” said Trey. “I was tired of all this talking and arguing and compromising. It was time to do something for me.”

As Trey expected, his tobacco habit continued to be a total deal-breaker for Kerry, providing them both an easy out from their planned marriage without having to discuss any issues of real substance.

“We both lost two good years on something that just wasn’t viable,” said Trey. “I helped us both cut our losses – quickly. Now we can both get back to being ourselves and the hobbies we enjoy.”

In addition to smokeless tobacco use, the now-single Trey looks forward to drinking unlimited amounts of beer, sleeping through the night with his dog snuggled up close in his bed, and watching porn. He feels good about his decision to indirectly trigger an end to his engagement, although he suspects that Kerry will harbor lasting regrets about how she handled their rocky relationship.

“Her loss," said Trey. "Her loss.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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