Man for the Life of Him Can't Spell Rythym

Written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 13 April 2019

image for Man for the Life of Him Can't Spell Rythym
Dingleberry wrote this purposely avoiding "that word."

A local man from Dookiesville Township has come clean on a lifelong problem that has plagued him his entire life from birth to how old he is now, or, in other words as long as he has lived, which many people refer to as lifelong.

He can't spell the word rhythim.

"I can't get my brain to figure out how to spell that word," said Mike Dingleberry of Dookiesville. "I'm not a dumb guy, I don't think. I went to college, I have a job that involves reading and writing, but when it comes to this word, I'm a stone cold dumbass."

Dingleberry said it has negatively affected his life, or effected his life, he's not sure which, as the proper use of those two similar-sounding words is another huge embarrassment for him.

"I'm so embarrassed about my inability to spell that word, that I'll avoid using it when i write, and when I do, I can't effectively, or affectively - I'm not sure which - communicate," said Dingleberry.

One time at work, he had to write a paper that required the use of the word ryhthym so instead he tried to write around it, using words like, "the background clappability" of the song instead of rhthym. He admitted that he really doesn't even know what ryhthim is, other than a musical term that relates to the pace of the music.

"There was once a band called the Atlanta Rithym Section, and I hated that band, but if you put me on a psychiatrist's couch, or a psychologist's couch - I don't know the difference - you would have discovered that I really hated myself, not the band," said Dingleberry.

He's tried to correct this problem for years to no avail. Even when he uses spellcheck and sees the proper spelling of the word, it doesn't register in his brain, and he goes back to making the same mistakes over and over again.

"There's all kinds of Hs and Ys and Ms in the word -- it's just not a proper word. You should not be allowed to be a word if you don't have a vowel," he said.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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