Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Monday, 1 April 2019

Fed up with those incessant Babbel commercials babbling away on how to learn a foreign language?

Ever wonder what happened to Rosetta Stone? Or is it still around?

Forget about Memrise and Duolingo! We've got a new, sure-fire language learning program that will have you talking Old Novgorod or any other extinct language in a few minutes!

"CHATTRE" is our answer to your search for the perfect way to learn any one of over one hundred truly lost and totally forgotten languages. No more "Anguishes over Languages."

CHATTRE will have you speaking Pilt, or Pictish, or whatever language you choose, in a quarter-hour or less, so accurately that you could easily converse with a native, who would think you've just arrived from Piltdown.

Organize an Aquitanian-speaking group in your hometown. Bring Phrygian back as a living language. The United Nations is desperately looking for Minoan-speaking translators.

Sign up NOW for the CHATTRE app. Pay later. Your money back, guaranteed*, if you encounter a Pamphilian speaker who says he can't understand you.

*Your request for a refund must be accompanied by a sworn statement from the Pamphilian or other lost language linguist.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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