Every word in the English language now deemed offensive by someone

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 18 March 2019

As of yesterday, the word "a" was the final written representation of the English language to be deemed offensive.

Snidely McWhiplash, Chairman of the Center for Pain-Free Living, stated that labeling something "a" person or "a" place or thing can be construed as offensive.

"They way we see it, "a" is an obvious attempt to label something, which we are staunchly against. Some existentialists question their own being, and we would hate to cause them stress by attempting to define them as something that exists." Mr. McWhiplash explained. "A" has also been decried for its apparent lack of sensitivity to someone's uniqueness. "Calling someone "a" mailman or "a" boy, etc. unfairly tries to define that individual in some pretty confining ways," McWhiplash explained. When asked how people are supposed to communicate basic differences or define basic concepts without using any sort of descriptive language MCWhiplash stated, "Ask a mime" and then he quickly apologized for using the word mime.

"A" has followed the path of some other seemingly innocuous words that have recently come under fire. "The" was added to the list just last week for being too accusatory and carrying an underlying judgmental tone. "It's practically hate speech!" McWhiplash explained.

The other words that were close to the last to be written off were "other", "but", "butt" "orange" and "bodacious".

There is no word on if or how any action will be taken to prevent such offensive language from being used, but then if there are no words left we guess there can't really be any word to give if such an action takes place.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more