Man tries to contact Tutankhamun by ouija board, gets trapped in head of David Childress

Funny story written by VWVonHagen

Thursday, 21 March 2019

image for Man tries to contact Tutankhamun by ouija board, gets trapped in head of David Childress
Pyramid with alien

A wrong-headed attempt to contact Tutankhamun by ouija board became literally that for New York resident Alan Finkelkraut who is now trapped in the head of alien conspiracist tv-personality and cryptozoologist, David Childress.

It is thought that the the incident occurred because Childress was ALSO trying to contact the dead Egyptian boy-king simultaneously. Finkelkraut’s parents, Moses and Wendy are now suing Childress for return of their son’s personality. Childress is thought to be reluctant to undergo hypnosis to achieve this as it would mean he would no longer have mental access to Finkelkraut’s research on the Pyramids, which is thought to be sophisticated and painstakingly assembled. Childress is notorious for his zany and escalatingly bizarre theories which seek to credit aliens for every manmade structure in history.

“Alan spent years learning ancient Egyptian and assembling every piece of archaeological literature he could find on the subject so he could talk to Tutankhamun as an equal. Unfortunately his endeavour was gate-crashed by a nut from television” lamented Alan’s mother. “Childress is a crazed amateur compared to Alan. Alan had so many serious questions. He hates sensationalism of any kind.”

Childress was unavailable for comment but his co-presenter on Ancient Aliens, Giorgio A. Tsoukalos was quick to lend support “Maybe the Aliens planned this. Maybe we are witnessing a life and death struggle in David’s head between good aliens and bad aliens. Maybe the bad aliens are trying to stop us finding out stuff. Alan Finkelkraut is an unwitting tool.”

Finkelkraut has apparently communicated his intention via parapsychologists to release a memoir of his detention inside Childress’s head which will detail: Childress’s delusions, his fascination with toy soldiers made out of spam, and his troubled relationship with his mother. Finkelkraut is quoted as threatening that if his situation is not “expedited posthaste” he will release the first installment of ‘The Strange World of David Childress’ in the national press, “even though I hate sensationalism, I may have no other choice but to do this.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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