Starbucks Baristas Look Down on Frappuccino Customers

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 10 March 2019

image for Starbucks Baristas Look Down on Frappuccino Customers
The expression, "Wake up and smell the coffee," wasn't referring to the Frappuccino, said one Starbucks barista.

Even as the Frappuccino has become one of Starbucks most popular and profitable menu items, many Starbucks baristas admit that they secretly look down on the customers who order the sweet, cold and creamy coffee concoction.

“No class,” said Baltimore barista Joelle Hampton, with a contemptuous shake of her head. “If you wanted a milkshake, you should’ve gone to McDonalds.” She snickered. “You’d probably fit in better there, too.”

She snorted and added, “Have you ever heard the expression wake up and smell the coffee? They weren’t talking about this.”

“No class, and no brains,” agreed Manhattan Starbucks server Michael Holland. He adopted a supercilious look and gazed down through his glasses. “For those seeking a fourteen hundred calories generously loaded with saturated fat and sugar, may I recommend the loaded White Castle burger, large fries, and cheesecake on a stick? Many seem to find that more sustaining than a semi-liquid beverage.”

Memphis barista Kurt Bellamy, however, represented an exception to the general rule of condescension toward Starbucks Frappuccino customers. “So many of us fall into this constant mode of pretending - that we’re cooler, hipper, more discerning than we actually are. But not the Frappuccino customers. It’s like their inner child is saying, if I have to have coffee, this is the only way I'll do it. And they're rolling with that, which I respect."

Does Kurt himself drink Frappuccinos?

He reeled at the very notion. "Oh, God no. But no judgment on those who do.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more