Butter is BACK! New Report Shows Butter Does Not Trigger Celiac Disease

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 21 January 2019

image for Butter is BACK! New Report Shows Butter Does Not Trigger Celiac Disease
Great news for celiac sufferers! New science suggests that butter does not trigger celiac - and is totally gluten-free.

A new report published by the National Dairy Council in trade industry journal Milk Matters had fabulous news to deliver about everyone’s favorite spread: a meta-analysis of data convincingly suggests that butter does not trigger celiac disease.

“Totally safe,” announced NDC marketing representative Meg Koenig. “We’d also like to emphasize that butter is totally gluten-free.”

The NDC report came as a great relief to many self-identifying celiac sufferers, like Brenda Ray of Charleston, South Carolina. Like many identifying has having celiac, Brenda has never been tested for celiac disease but has self-determined that she suffers from the incurable syndrome based on her experience with wheat.

“I had a lot of bloating after eating a big sandwich on regular bread,” she explained. “I also experienced some fatigue. Finally, I put two and two together.”

One study included in NDC's meta-analysis compared those identifying as having celiac disease or gluten sensitivity who ate gluten-free bread with butter, with a similar group who ate gluten-free bread without butter.

“No difference whatsoever,” proclaimed NDC's Meg Koenig. “The butter did not trigger the sensitivity in the slightest.”

And even more significantly, the NDC report noted, the butter seemed to actually decrease self-identifying celiac sufferers’ risk of dying from their celiac disease (rather than from heart disease, stroke, or obesity-related conditions like diabetes).

“I’m sold,” said a beaming Brenda Ray. “Honestly, I had always felt good about butter, but this just confirms that my intuition was on target. Living with a chronic disease isn't easy, but I see now that I really just need to trust my own body.”

NDC’s Meg Koenig agreed - but cautioned people however, from thinking too independently. She urged those identifying as suffering from celiac disease to keep in mind that fresh produce or whole grains sold in bulk may, at some point, have been contaminated with wheat. Ending on a positive note, however, she stated, "But for celiac sufferers, the important thing to remember is you’ll never go wrong with dairy.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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