Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Monday, 26 November 2018

The White House. June 1, 1939. President Donald Trump today approved the recommendation of Secretary of State Cordell Hull that the German passenger liner St. Louis not be given permission to dock and unload approximately 900 Jews seeking asylum outside Germany. The Cuban government had made a similar decision a few days ago and the plight of the potential immigrants is now perilous.

"We can't," Trump announced at an impromptu press briefing, "allow our country to become the dumping ground for a motley crew of petty thieves, gangs, rapists, extortionists, murderers,,, and worse. I saw that de Niro movie about Jewish gangsters in New York, and we don't want to encourage that by allowing so-called asylum-seekers into the country by appealing to our hearts."

"But you're decision will send them right back to Hitler," said one astounded reporter, Woof Blister of CNN.

"I know Hitler," Trump responded. "I met him at Munich, and although I had my doubts about him before that conference, I fell in love with him. And he loves me, too. He knows how to run a country. He promised peace in our time, and that's what we've got. A year later he's not at war. Oh, he occupied the Czechs, but that was to protect the German minority that the Czechs were persecuting. If Americans were being mistreated in Baja California, I'd annex that too. Yes, he peacefully took Austria, but the Aussies [sic] were really Germans at heart.

"We've got to protect our borders from caravans of ships carrying self-appointed asylum-seekers fleeing from anywhere and everywhere. No, the folks on that ship ought to go back to Germany where they came from. If conditions are as bad as they say, they ought to do something about it there. Coming to America isn't the answer."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
36 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more