Written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 13 October 2018

image for Kanye West Next US Ambassador To The United Nations
"STUFF IT!"

When it was a rumored possibility, folks thought it a satirical joke, but no, the truth is, Kanye West will replace Nikki Haley as the next US Ambassador to the United Nations.

Of course, Ivanka is disappointed. Her father already announced that the whole world wanted her to be Ambassador to the United Nations. Even Putin said, “Why not? It’s only the United Nations and not as though she’s going to be doing anything important.”

To which Trump agreed. “Yeah!” while carefully chewing ten times on a bite of hamburger, and washing it down with a gulp of diet coke. “Huh?”

“It’s not as though she is going to be running Walmart.”

Things were rolling along splendidly, until Trump had lunch with Kanye West who, though his mother was a high school English teacher, never learned the meaning of sentence structure.

While a form of communication, a sentence should have a beginning, middle, and end. A sentence should also have a point. It doesn’t have to be profound or Shakespearean, but a sentence can’t remain a rambling, staccato of hysterical noises thrown together like a salad and sprinkled on top with Ranch dressing. Burp.

But Trump was inspired by Mr. West’s on-camera luncheon interview.

“He said lots of words. Whew! I was impressed. I stopped counting at 32 words. See, I have to chew a bite of a hamburger ten times, and I was counting my bites and Kanye’s words, and then he said something about his hat and that he loved me and I went off the rails. The guy is great. The whole world wants him to be Ambassador to the United Nations.”

Besides Ivanka, Kellyanne Conway was disappointed. She had an eye on the Ambassador’s job that comes with a penthouse at 50 United Nations Plaza. And no-one in the White House can make a better word salad than Kellyanne. Remember alternative facts?

But when Kanye West fueled his sentence with, "The hydrogen plane, like zoom. Fast. For the guy I love. Man," Trump said to himself, “I found my Ambassador.”

Putin added, “Of course you did!”

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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