Written by Dave Henry

Thursday, 13 September 2018


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for People Walk Beach Before Hurricane Just to Piss Media Off
One of the millions of reporters covering the hurricane

As Hurricane Florence bears down on the Carolina coast, many residents are staying put as long as possible just to piss the media off.

As with every hurricane and tropical storm, the nation's media descends upon the area in the line of the storm by the millions. Millions of reporters, producers, cameramen, etc., jam the highways and airports to report from the scene of the impending hurricane. They eat all the food in the stores and take up all the hotel rooms.

Then they get there and start berating the locals in their news reports to shame them into leaving. Well, the people are sick of it.

"Why don't they leave?" said North Carolina resident Willie Wilmington. "They're everywhere. The reporters yell at us to get off the beach and seek shelter, but here they are, in their storm flannels, bumping into us, jamming up the roads, getting in our way. Who the hell do they think they are?!"

Seve B. Myrtle trolled a news reporter by walking behind her with his metal detector while she was doing a report. “She asked me to do an interview and then scolded me because I hadn’t evacuated yet. I told her I do plan to leave, but the storm is still 8 hours away. Then I asked her, why are you still here? I'll leave when you do.”

The reporter wagged her finger at him and said she was allowed to be here because she was in the media. And the media knows better than you. "We're the media. We know what's good for you," the reporter told Myrtle. "Don't question the media."

Then the reporter said he would meet certain and gruesome death if he didn’t evacuate. Plus, she needed a place to stay since all the hotels were filled, so she was planning on staying at his house.

In fact, the millions of reporters in the region plan to ride out the storm by staying in all the homes that have been evacuated.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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