Written by Dave Henry

Sunday, 5 August 2018

image for Man Reads Giant Book on Vacation, Uses it to Beat Up Shark
This book tastes better than it looks

A local man bought a giant book on vacation and acted like he read it on the beach.

“I wanted to impress the other families we were vacationing with, so I brought this massive book the size of a toaster with me to the beach every day, and I 'fake read' it,” said Stephen Morgant.

The book was a classic - almost 1000 pages long - by an author called Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

“I was bored out of my mind after one page,” he said. “I kept reading the same page over and over, not understanding any of it. I couldn’t even tell you the main character's name.”

He considered throwing it into the ocean, but then his friends wouldn’t think he was smart, so he 'fake read' it all week.

Morgant actually looked at the words without reading them for a few minutes, then turned the page, then did it again and again for hours at a time.

“By the end of the week, I had 'fake read' to page 400,” he said.

On the last day of vacation, after his friends left the beach house, he no longer had to keep up the ruse. So he used the giant book to support him like a raft as he paddled out into the ocean.

Unfortunately, he was attacked on the book raft by a killer shark. Thinking quickly, he used the giant book to club the shark, then he ate it. He ate the book not the shark. The shark got away. The book was a tad dry but filling.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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