Written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

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TV creature Rosanne Barr has blamed a series of racist Tweets on a sedative she had been taking. As we wait for the judge to come back from recess in our trial (completely trumped up charges of multi million pound embezzlement, we can’t even spell embezzlement without auto correct) we had a look at what other celebrities blamed shit behaviour on.

Tommy Robinson: Recently incarcerated racist patriot Robinson once blamed his brain dead behaviour on Ribena. Claiming that the fruit juice affected and stimulated his race hate centres until he couldn’t resist shouting racial slurs at passing black mums.

Rolf Harris: The Australian kangaroo fiddler attributed his sexual deviancy to new socks. Saying that the tight elastic around his ankles had forced blood to gather in his feet and starve his brain of oxygen. Meaning he was unable to tell wrong from right

Jacob Reese-Mogg: Gentlemen who would like to see all of the North of England crammed into poor houses stated that his opinions are shaped by biscuits. If he eats a digestive he puts his energy into hating Europeans. If it’s a NICE one he goes right back to despising the poor.

Darren Gibson: Convicted drunk driver and footballing fraud Gibson claimed his positive breathalyser sample had been caused by the cider in his system and not the fact he was drunk.

Oh we’ve got to go as the judge is back. If anyone asks why we did it say we saw an inequality in the wealth distribution in the world and decided to take form those who seemingly have too much.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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