Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

In the wake of New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman's resignation, another top government official elsewhere has succumbed after similar startling revelations of unwanted sexual assaults on women.

Following a painful and sometimes tearful confession that he had indeed forcibly engaged in non-consensual physical contact over a period of years with several female children, state superintendent of public instruction Ridney Farrow submitted his resignation today. His confession, aired in a television interview with Mitt Lauer and co-hosted by Tim Brokaw, followed a recent expose in the Washington Post and Variety, in which three middle aged women, in a "Me Too" style story, recounted in vivid and graphic detail Farrow's disgusting fondling and illicit conduct with them.

Giving only their first names, and with the camera focused on them from the neck down to protect their privacy, each of the shaken women described, in quavering voices, what Farrow had done to them years ago. With great difficulty, "Phyllis" told Lauer how Rid had put his hands on an unidentified part of her. "Sylvia" claimed he forced her to have unwanted oral sex. "Carol" recounted in great detail how on one occasion Rid had forced his body against her.

In his confession, Farrow publicly and sorrowfully admitted his transgressions.

"Yes, at 16 I demeaned Phyllis while we watched a movie one Saturday afternoon at the local theater. I now apologize for taking her hand without her consent during a scene in "Love Story" where the girl was dying. I should never have done that, especially since my hand was a little sweaty from fear that she might not like that. But when she squeezed it tighter I thought it was okay.

"I know now I shouldn't have kissed Sylvia when I said good-night on her door step after the senior prom. But I thought it was the right thing to do as we had been friends since kindergarden. But my tongue never went into her mouth, like she has claimed. That must have been some other guy. The scuttlebutt around school was that she was "loose," but I never believed that.

"And as for Carol, I now remember that when she told me she was moving away at the end of the sixth grade, I gave her a big hug. Maybe I held her too close for too long, but I liked her a lot and we both knew we would never see each other again."

At the end of his statement, given on the steps of the state capitol, Farrow claimed that the charges were politically motivated. All three of the women are now connected with the charter school movement and, he claimed, had made the charges against him because he had so vigorously fought corruption in the corporate, for-profit charter school industry.

"But, for the sake of the children and the future of our public schools, I hereby resign my post as state superintendent."

No successor has been named.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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