Man Knows Nothing About US Politics

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 14 May 2018

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Grover Washington Jr.

A writer on the satirical news website has revealed how he 'aches' to write a story on US politics, but is prevented from doing so by his complete lack of knowledge on the subject.

Moys Kenwood, 54, says he knows who Donald Trump is, and who Barack Obama was, that the first American president was Grover Washington, and that American presidents live in a big white house, but those titbits aside, he's absolutely clueless.

Kenwood, a Limey, said:

"It's a mystery to me! Is 'the Senate' the same as 'Congress'? And what on Earth is 'the 5th'? Is it that tricky par-3 at Augusta? Is 'impeachment' something to do with fruit? I feel so silly! What I know about US politics, you could write on the back of a 50-cent bill."

He went on:

"I know that the Democrats are aiming to bring democracy to the country, and that the Reptillians find this repugnant. I'm also aware that the President's wife is the 'First Lady', but, if the President were a woman, would her husband be the 'First Man' - if not her own first man? And would she be the 'Presidentess'? As you can see, the complexities and inner workings of politics in New York have got me flummoxed !"

Kenwood claims he almost contributed recently when Barbara W. Bush died, but couldn't remember which of the trio of George Bushes she'd been married to!

"I couldn't recall whether it was the one who invaded Iraq, the one who was shot outside the book depository, or the one who lived at Gettysburg!".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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