Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 6 May 2018

image for Justin Bieber Is Wasting His Life Away, Say His Parents
The layabout laying about

A couple from Pennsylvania have spoken out about their concerns over their 6-month-old son who, they say, is "wasting his life away in idleness".

Stephen and Karen Bielby, aged 21 and 21 respectively, were over the moon when Karen gave birth in November 2017 to a bouncing baby boy. The child was healthy, a good weight, and responded to stimuli when tested. He was 'a perfect baby'. They named him Justin Bieber Bielby.

Soon after taking Justin Bieber home from the local hospital, however, Karen - a child gymnast - started to worry about her son.

"He just wasn't very active. I wasn't expecting backflips or anything, but his whole attitude borders on laziness. He was just wasting his life away."

Her husband, who is an accountant, and a member of the local amateur dramatic society, tended to agree. He said:

"I tend to agree. I hung a small abacus over his cot, but he hasn't touched it. People have said we're expecting too much, but it's never too early to learn a little math."

Karen nodded. She's even set up a Facebook page for Justin Bieber with lots of photos of the tot. It's already had more than 10million hits. Karen again:

"He's shown no interest. Everyone does Facebook, but, oh no, not my son! No interaction at all. It's a terrible thing to say, but I'm starting to wonder if JB has some underlying psychological problems."

Stephen concurred:

"I concur. After all the hard work I've put in, I feel it's been a bit of a let-down. I decorated his room powder-blue - nothing. Soft lights and dimmer switches - zilch. I bought some coloured crayons and a book, but what's the point? It's such a shame. He's the 'baby version' of an adult couch potato.

"It breaks my heart to say it, but Justin Bieber is just throwing his life away."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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