Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 23 April 2018

image for Waffle House Shooting Hero Hoped For Free Waffle
Clearly, Mr Lowton has no waffle pictures

The hero of the latest US Gun Outrage (USGO) in Nashville, Tennessee yesterday says he acted in the way that he did, because he hoped he might be given a free waffle.

Heroic James Shaw Jr., 29, wrestled the naked gunman, Travis Reinking - mysteriously, also 29 - and took away his weapon, leaving the assailant no option but to flee the scene in his birthday suit.

Mr Shaw was hailed as a hero by others at the waffle house, but was too modest, and told The Tennessean:

"I was in the restroom, and heard shots. I realised that, if there was ever going to be a time when I was to win a free waffle, this was going to be it. With that in mind, I stormed out of the cubicle like John Rambo, and grabbed his weapon. It was bigger than I'd expected, but I hung on, and managed to wrench it from his grasp. Now, where's my free waffle?"

But Waffle House manager John Jobsworth said:

"We have a rigid policy on special offers. Right now, there's a '50% off' deal, but nothing that covers the heroic disarming of a naked gunman with murderous intentions."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Guns, NRA




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