Written by Purple Girl

Monday, 29 January 2018

image for Family with gibberish names cleared by CPS after naming their newborn
CPS temporarily took custody of the Xygadasf family's children because they were given gibberish names.

A family is cleared by Child Protective Services after an investigation that was triggered by the name they gave their newborn. Hospital staff felt the name was unnecessarily stigmatizing, if not outright abusive.

The father, Gafdkljk Xygadasf, says, "My wife, kids, and I have been put through hell after Sjldfas and I named our newborn girl Kafklsf after her grandmother. We simply named our daughter according to our family tradition."

A nurse, Cindy Jones, said, "We thought that this frivolous attitude of giving gibberish was a sign that they didn't care for their newborn."

A hospital psychiatrist, Jane Waters, said that, "Some of us thought maybe the parents were either illiterate or on drugs, since who in their right mind would name their kids that?"

The police, acting upon the orders of CPS, based on the evidence provided by Area Hospital, removed the Xygadasfs' other kids from their home, including their son, Jafdasf, and their daughter, Amjasd.

"I was scared," said Jafdasf. "I didn't know when I'd get to see Mom and Dad again. The police kept calling me Jimmy, and I hate that name!"

However, after the case was reviewed by LaTonya Phillips, the case supervisor, all 3 children were reunited with the parents.

Phillips says, "I feel that the overreaction in this case is much like racism, even though everyone involved up to now has been white. If we were to remove children from their homes based on the parents giving them what some may consider gibberish names, then we'd have to take children from many good parents who just happen to be minority members, celebrities, and immigrants. That would be a bad precedent to set."

When asked to give examples of what she meant, Ms. Phillips continued, "Two examples involving local African-American families come to mind. A mother recently named her daughter 'Obamanisha. The problem is that those who hate our former President might slur the girl's name as Abomination. Another mother named her daughter Koolaidria. That's unfortunate, as it promotes stereotypes about our people. We don't all drink grape Kool-Aid."

Now that the family is reunited, it seems that everyone simply wants to move forward from what they all are now calling a huge misunderstanding.

"I am so grateful that Kafklsf and my other kids were returned to me," says Mrs. Xygadasf. Kafklsf won't remember any of this. Jafdasf and Amjasd should be able to put this behind them soon. They are tough kids, and I'm so proud of them."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Names, Nonsense




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