Baby Naming Business

Funny story written by Chantellephone

Sunday, 13 July 2014

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A baby naming business born in Boulder, Colorado, in January is doing remarkably well. What started as an expectant father searching for the perfect name, owner Michael Scholes says he is now creating hundreds of names a month for other people.

"I just didn't understand name trends," he states. "Naming your kid Jaden or Mackenzie, what does that even mean to parents? When my wife told me she was expecting, I started scouring name books and none felt right to me."

Scholes says he had an idea to write down a list of shared interests between himself and wife, Pam. It consisted of: left wing politics, social issues, exercising, baking and Martin Scorsese films.

"When our daughter was born, I looked at the list and the name just hit me! Obamaniqua Liberty. It was beautiful and reflected us, her parents. Because isn't that what children are?"

When Tracey and Taylor Spencer, friends of Scholes, announced they were having a boy and wanted him to create the name, he went right to work.

"We're big fans of water sports and classical literature, so when Mike came up with Shakespeare Snorkel, it was almost like we named him ourselves," says Taylor.

Word spread quickly and before he knew it, Scholes was receiving phone calls from strangers looking to avail of his services.

"The $5000 fee seems almost nominal," says Debbie Rowans. Mike created the name my daughter will have for life. I used to worry my child would be one of ten names in her class at school, but I know now she'll be the only Quinoa Chardonnay."

The influx of requests keep Michael's hands full; interested parents must contact him at least eight months prior to birth.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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