Report Shows Contestants in Miss Universe Beauty Contest All From Earth

Funny story written by thecabbidge

Friday, 3 November 2017

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An investigation into the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant has revealed that contestants are always from planet earth. Years of documents going back to the event's inception have reportedly been uncovered, all of which show a consistent pattern of exclusion.

The findings point to a cover up at the highest levels of the organization. Investigators believe it unlikely those at the top were unaware of what's been going on.

"This is not an isolated incident," said a spokesperson for the investigation. "No matter which year we look at, the finalists are always tall women from earth. We've not found a single contestant who's come from any other planet."

In a contest like this a slight leaning toward one direction or another is not unusual, but what's being reported here is extreme. There appears to have been no attempt to even include anyone from any other planet.

Lawyers for the owners of the Miss Universe pageant, WME, said that reaching out to other potential contestants was difficult, as it involved sitting on a hill all night beside a big dish with an aerial attached to it.

They claim that on the odd occasion when they were able to make contact, no one was particularly interested because it was a long way to come just to walk around in a swimsuit for a few minutes. Travel expenses was another concern frequently raised.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the current Miss Universe, Iris Mittenaere, asked if the report also included Miss Borneo

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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