Lovelock, NV O.J. Simpson, Heisman Trophy winner and double murderer, said he wants to return to football and add to some of his running back statistics.
"I know I've screwed up a lot and so that's why I think it would be good for me to get back to my roots" said The Juice.
"And then I've worked myself up to my former glory, I'm going to revive the Naked Gun series with Kevin Smith taking up the role that Leslie Nielsen filled" continued O.J.
"Of course I'm a lot smarter than I was back in the day, so I'll be even better than before! I'll be hearing GO JUICE GO! again all the time" he continued.
A man walks in carrying a big trophy and O.J. stops talking and starts yelling "Hey IS THAT MY HEISMAN TROPHY THERE? NOBODY LEAVES THIS ROOM!