132-Year-Old Lobster Sues, Claims Elder Abuse

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Sunday, 25 June 2017

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Don't look for Louie to show up on your plate anytime soon. He has other plans.

Onlookers rejoiced recently when Louie the lobster, having lived the last 30 years of his life in a tank at a Long Island restaurant, was finally set free and returned to the ocean.

But Louie is not a totally happy camper and has revealed that he plans to sue for elder abuse. "Like Rodney Dangerfield, we elders get no respect," he told the crowd. "I want some compensation for all those years I spent confined to that tank," Nodding his head in agreement was famed attorney Louis Nizer, long dead but granted a temporary earthpass by St. Peter to take up Louie's cause in his lawsuit against the Long Island restaurant where he had been held.

Louie also expressed his displeasure at the description of his being PARDONED. "I did nothing wrong to be pardoned for. There I was in the ocean minding my own business and I was snatched up and stuck in a tank for 30 years. Now I'm supposed to be grateful for a pardon? Ridiculous! Sounds fishy to me!"

Louie the lobster was cheered by the sudden appearance of his old friend musician Louis Armstrong, back from the dead for the big day. He led the crowd in a tribute to his old pal. "Hello Louie," he crooned to the tune of "Hello Dolly."

Armstrong continued, "It's so nice to have you back where you belong."

No argument there. Glug...glug...glug....

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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