Woman's Bad Breath Kills Seven on Tourist Train

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Monday, 26 June 2017

image for Woman's Bad Breath Kills Seven on Tourist Train

A Denver woman accidentally killed seven fellow passengers with her bad breath while aboard a popular sightseeing train ride on the border of New Mexico and Colorado.

Passengers on the J&O Tours train started screaming and passing out when Thia Solis fell asleep with her mouth open ten minutes into the mountainous ride that is popular with tourists.

When panicked passengers tried to wake up Solis she became combative and screamed at the other train riders only making the bad breath situation worse.

Basilio Tristano, one of the survivors, tried to describe the scene.

"Her breath was was like if someone took a pound of hamburger meat and some dead animals and let it rot in her mouth for a year, that might be close to what it was like. The only thing near as bad that I can compare it to was when I accidentally broke open a bottle of rotten Worcester Sauce and it smelled so bad it made me puke. Everybody on our car threw up and I think the people who died just couldn't breathe anymore from throwing up so hard--I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore either--finally the train stopped."

Many of the injured jumped off of the train before it could stop and NTSB investigators are looking to see if the deaths and injuries could have been avoided by the train operator. There have been reports that the train's emergency alarms that can be triggered by the passengers were first routed to a call center in the Phillipines, delaying the emergency stop and evacuation by at least five critical minutes.

Doctors in hazmat suits examined the woman at a local hospital and determined that her teeth and gums are normal and healthy, leaving the cause of her death breath a mystery.

For now Solis is being held in medical quarantine at a satellite CDC laboratory just outside of Pueblo CO as DHS authorities determine her medical status--and more controversially--her weaponizing potential.

Security analyst Ben Vistamos says the US intelligence agencies will surely investigate the incident for possible involvement by ISIS or the Russians.

"If she wasn't deployed by an enemy we need to keep her out of the hands of the Russians, you know they could try to clone her to use against our interests. If she proves to be valuable she might end up helping US law enforcement and she could even avoid criminal charges."

Sheriff Robert Rodente of Quail County CO was first on the scene of the deadly incident when the train stopped short of its destination near Larkspur, CO. He thought Solis should be held responsible for the deaths of the other passengers regardless of her value to the US military.

"I've been to some bad accidents but this is one of the worst--so many people dead. If she knew that her breath could kill then she should be facing murder charges, at the least manslaughter. Seven people dead? There has to be some sort of consequence for that, the idea that she could get a pass now for national security reasons is just ludicrous."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more