The first branch of 'Cark It Right' will open the doors of its brand new, custom built suicide centre on St. Peter's Close on Monday. I spoke to the company M.D. Graham Reaper today.
"Hello Graham, exciting time for you?"
"Oh yes, we think it's a killer idea; people have been dying for an opportunity like this."
"Erm..."
"Sorry about the dark humour."
"Don't you mean Christmas cracker humour?"
"Whatever."
"So what services do you offer?"
"Well; for £100 you can just have a quick injection, like having your dog put down. For £200 you can have an exotic poison, including the one that kills you with a raging stiffy. Our extreme death range starts at £1000."
"Extreme?"
"Parachute jumping without a parachute, bungee jumping without a bungee, deep sea diving carrying a washing machine, being hurled off a cliff by an angry mob, that kind of thing."
"You must be very pleased with the change in the law."
"It's to die for."
"Thank you."
