Written by AL Mac

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

An unidentified source working for a junior congressperson in the Capitol building has provided this reporter with an addendum to the American Healthcare Act. The full text is given below:

H.R. xxxxxx-An Addendum to the American Healthcare Act

Honorable Members of the Congressional Committee to Protect Our Youth and Repeal Obamacare:

In order to end the scourge of unwanted pregnancy and supplant the need for the messiness of a long, protracted fight to overturn Roe v Wade, a simple measure should be enacted: we propose that all American male youths at the age of 13 have vasectomies. These will be paid for with taxpayer funds possibly through a tax on adult erotic products. If sperm are no longer present in male semen, then there will be no more need for condoms (except to protect from venereal diseases) or birth control (except to regulate out-of-control menstrual cycles). Those "heat-of-the-moment" decisions to have intercourse will no longer be a worry for our young (or older) ladies months later.

Additionally, we propose that an adequate supply of each male's sperm be stored in centralized locations in each state. States with higher populations, like California, may need two locations to store the sperm. These facilities would, in turn, create jobs: temporary construction jobs and permanent positions within each facility to manage and catalog the sperm of each American male. The age of 13 is crucial as sexual activity in youth generally begins at that time or soon after, so if we could arrest the sperm in circulation at this crucial time, we have a strong chance of stopping early and/or unwanted pregnancies.

In addition to this sperm bank for all American males, counselors will be trained to meet with any male desiring to "use" some of his sperm to have a child. He would meet with counselors, as would his partner if he has a partner, and they would be informed of some of the skills, challenges, etc. that go into having and raising a child. This counseling is intended to make people more aware of the enormity of raising children. Those males who choose to immigrate to the United States would also have to agree to the procedure to remain in the country. As we are sure most would agree that more concerted family planning is needed to preserve the sanctity of the family within the American society, these males and those choosing to raise children with them would have directed counseling before release of any sperm.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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