Fast Food restaurants ban "Healthy" looking people

Funny story written by Richie

Thursday, 23 February 2017

image for Fast Food restaurants ban "Healthy" looking people
'Normal' sized man with regular meal

Only in Trumps America would such a move be considered in keeping with current equality laws.

After recent pressure from 'large' groups of eatavists, several fast food restaurant chains have given in and applied a nationwide ban on healthy people. McDonalds, Wendy's, KFC and White Castle have all issued statements clarifying their position.

McDonalds said;

'Why we accept that on rare occasions healthy people will indulge in the occasional burger, we must protect the life blood of our business, which is, disproportionately so, individuals with a waist size 3 times greater than the width of their shoulders. It has been made abundantly clear to us, that people who associate with this demographic are easily offended and often very hungry, and therefore not to be trifled with, sorry I didn't mean to say trifle.'

While KFC issued, a statement saying;

'While we are implementing the new 'if you can get through a turnstile without trouble, you're not welcome' policy. We want it to be known we, as a company, did not realise normal sized people still existed.'

The premise of the ban revolves around the fact that fat fucks are the way they are through no fault of their own. Where once it was thought, fatness was a direct result of greediness and laziness in our now enlightened times, where no one is responsible for anything, it has been concluded obesity is a genetic illness coupled with big bones. Therefore, for a fat person, (sorry I believe the correct term now is horizontally challenged), to see a normal sized person eating the same thing is in fact offensive.

One fativist had this to say;

'With the new understanding that being 25 stone overweight is not my fault, I felt compelled to protest, on my mobility scooter. I am fat and it's not my fault, so why when I am at our version of church should I have to see these skinny bastards flaunting it in my face. It's like me running, well, waddling round a cancer ward saying ha ha I only have diabetes.'

The Department of Health's website now has the following statement on its home page.

Since the majority of people are now no longer human sized it has been deemed an act of discrimination to continue to lean towards a 'normal' body image. We shall be rolling out a new fat friendly system over the coming weeks, with the first step being to keep thin people out of the places where horizontally challenged people preside most the time. This includes all fast food restaurants, sweet shops and narrow pavements. Although controversial, keeping thin people out of sight of the larger population will help to make the whole population look a little more human-like and less whale-like, we need to consider Japanese whalers.

There will soon be changes made to air travel, with one ticket automatically equalling two seats, for those who only require one seat, this can be purchased at an extra cost.

Gyms and fitness studios are to be renamed or moved underground. Acceptable alternative names include; health brothel, freak museums or just Jim.

Police forces will be trained in the use of a tape measure to help implement the new directives.

Vegetable sales will be limited to those with 75% body fat, but will now be compulsory dipped in sugar.

Children of thin parents will be forced to attend fatten them up camps. Refusal will result in being force fed lard, like a human form of foie gras.

It will soon be made illegal to proclaim 'I couldn't eat another thing' or 'I'm so full up' or any other articulation about being gastricily sated.

It is believed a protest against the new rules took place in Time Square this morning. It was reported 1000 thin people had staged a silent standstill protest, but as they were surrounded by 12 horizontally challenged police officers, it was difficult to actual ascertain if they were indeed there.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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