Fat Arses and Fat Wallets

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 28 July 2016

image for Fat Arses and Fat Wallets
What a diet of burritos and takeaway pizza will do to your colon

Brits will spend £16billion on snacks, takeaways and sugary drinks this year. Scientists (those guys who are YET to cure racism) have said it's due to our extremely busy lifestyles. Back and to the Left news reckon it's to do with those aforementioned things being tasty as fuck, coupled with the fact 99% of Brits are so lazy we're surprised we haven't brought Velcro shoes back into fashion.

7/10 Brits buy food to go at lunchtimes. Some people would say this is because the ever changing role of the sexes has forced women out of the "dinner making role" and into a "high powered executive one". We would say men should get up earlier and make their own sandwiches and while their at it make one for us.

We spoke to Mr Col Lesterol the head of "Fantastic And Tasty" the global conglomerate of fast food makers that own 92% of the worlds saturated fat. While eating a grilled cheese sandwich he told us:

"It's great! All these lardy, wheezing, dopey fat fucks are keeping me in solid gold toilet paper. There's been calls to reduce the amount of salt, sugar and fat in our products but why would we? The average stupid punter just eats that shit up! Literally! I actually think were at the point now as a country where we could coat in healthy dog turd in sugar and sell it in bulk at TESCO. Jesus' people are so dumb. Wait is that thing on?"

Compelling stuff.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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