To Explain Recent Actions of Trump Administration, Sean "Melissa" Spicer Claims: Liberal Scientists & Media Secretly Placing Optical Implants Into The Eyes of Americans to Alter Reality

Funny story written by Steven W. Rouach

Monday, 13 February 2017

Today, press secretary Sean "Melissa" Spicer, (best known for his irrational and paralyzing fear of young girls from the ages of 2-7, a serious medical condition known as acute pediaphobia), controversially claimed:

"Liberal scientists, funded by the wicked liberal media, have been covertly implanting an electronic device into the optic nerves of proud Americans, while they sleep, to alter reality. This is unacceptable. People seeing reports or even live eye witness testimony are being fooled into seeing whatever the far left wants them to see."

He then went on to say:

"The device takes whatever the altered optic nerve sees and transmits a signal to the brain to make it seem like the current administration is doing things that seem terrifying and insane. We will not stand for this and will send out teams of "Neurology Altered American Collectors" to find those affected and give them the medical help they need in a secret medical facility, located deep, deep underground."

The press is now up in arms due to this allegation, and the recent removal of the NY Times Building to whereabouts unknown, as well as the much reported and publicized "Dome of Protection" Placed over CNN, leaving it in a complete vacuum. (see related article "Trump orders dome to be placed over CNN, arranges supplies to be dropped through easternmost vent")

Recently re-titled "Dark Overlord Who Will Bring About The Final Reckoning" Stephen Bannon, has ordered that those effected, be relocated en masse to the government facility, via all available military trucks.

At the time, he was surrounded by what appeared to be "hooded, robed priests of undetermined religion, who painted archaic symbols onto his skin with an unidentified red substance as Mr. Bannon stood in the center of a pentagram." according to witnesses.

Supporters of Donald Trump and the GOP are universally enraged about Spencer's claims, saying:
"We KNEW something was up. We're seeing these guys we supported, doing these seemingly insane and reckless things, like they're complete lunatics or something. We feel violated and will not stand for it. "

They then all started a chant of "No more Hillary, No more Hillary", despite the fact that Hillary Clinton has not been seen, nor heard from for months, and was last spotted deep in the Appalachian mountains with a Serpa guide.

In other news Donald Trump is still being denied permission to watch television or "sit at the table like a big boy", since his much reported temper tantrum where he threw his juice box at Bannon, soiling Bannon's special "Ceremonial Robes" (according to insiders, who seemed to be shaking in terror at the time).

Reported by Steven W. Rouach

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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