Trump reveals how he will "make America great again"

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 9 February 2017

image for Trump reveals how he will "make America great again"
Mexicans are so happy that America is going to be able to sell them dirt cheap coal

It has been a whirlwind two weeks for the new US president, and impeachment or the funny farm are surely just around the corner for Trump. Nevertheless, today he prepared to finish off another promise he made during the campaign - the vague one to make America great again.

He made a speech in which he explained how the US today is a burning hellhole, and that only his new economic plan will make things better. He droned, "Obama literally set fire to America and burned down our factories. Literally!"

According to the orange one's plan, all coal mines in the US are to be re-opened and de-mechanised. Humans will be employed in yuge numbers to dig for coal. Salt mines and tar pits are also to be recommissioned.

"We will create a whole new generation of forgotten people to vote for me," he said.

When asked how much these new workers would be paid, Trump was vague on the details, but said that he was sure that there was an answer to be found in "America's great history". He explained, "America became rich off the backs of hard working men who were happy to toil all day for no money at all. I'm sure these people will do it again."

He said that if his plan was implemented, then the top 1% of businessmen in the government would see their assets double within a year. "Now that's what I call great!" he grinned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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