Donald Trump caused a global media frenzy over his latest tweet, "OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPETY DOO", leading to Martial Law being declared in eighty countries overnight.
With DEFCON II about to be formally declared, mass civil unrest and hysteria seems to be reaching its zenith. It is unclear to many media commentators, political analysts and world leaders what this message means.
The mainstream media, however, decided to run with it, based on 'concrete assumptions'.
"It is clear this quotation is a reference to a song used in the movie, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory," a statement from The United Nations Security Council read. "Sung by four-feet dwarfs known as Oompa-Loompas. This tweet is a crude and blatant mandate that anyone under forty-eight inches in height will be euthanized under the current administration. We would like to take this opportunity to pledge our full support to all short people worldwide, whether tangerine in color or not and to contact their relevant authority if in need of counseling or further assistance".
"How could anyone, not least the 45th President of The United States, pass on sensitive information to our enemies by casually using a public domain?", a clearly irate, former US Army Chief of Staff, General George Casey expressed on CNN earlier. "This information he tweeted is strictly classified. "Right now, I guess our guys at The Pentagon will be working overtime to create a new password for our entire nuclear defense system".
However, it must have been reassuring to a beleaguered Trump, that his tweet not only got a like but a retweet from UK Prime Minister, Mrs. Theresa May, who then tweeted the words "I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU - I'M JOLLY HYSTERICAL". Alas, a bewildered and frustrated Vladimir Putin did not see the playful side of Mr. Trump's message. Speaking on Sputnik TV, "When I use Google Translate and type 'Oompa Loompa Doompety Doo', the Russian equivalent comes back as 'Oompa Loompa Doompety Doo'. This is the reason why it is so important to promote and market Russian-made translation software" he said solemnly.
Some of the worlds' leading linguistic specialists joined the debate to decipher the cryptic tweet. Prof. Karl Von Braun of The Berlin Institute came up with a controversial theory which seems to heighten mosts' fears. "According to my calculations, it is clear the words 'Oompa Loompa Doompety Doo' constitute a grand total of 40 points in Super Scrabble. American people can rest assured, that Mr. Trump will get rid of 10 States who traditionally vote Democrat. Some see this man as a tyrant but I believe he is being rather rational and lenient".
For some spiritual input, Elijah Weinberg of The Apocalyptic Church of Martyrs To Come concluded a more colorful explanation. "Repent heathens, don't y'all know 'Oompa Loompa' means Latitude 19 North and 'Doopety Doo' means Longitude 21 East. Put that into yar GPS and you come up with The Ennedi Plateau, in North-East Chad - that's where The Lost City of Atlantis is! No doubt, under the control of The Illuminati and der lizard skinned guards. God bless ya Donald Jay Trump, may yer enemies by afflicted with syphilis!"
The Illuminati were unavailable for comment as their leader is currently on hiatus. At this time, High-Priestess Hilary Diane Rodham Clinton, is on vacation in Saudi Arabia.
