NORWAY - (Satire News) - This is a dramatic fact in Northern Europe. Due to the coal shortage, some of the snowmen have been left without eyes. "We have rolled snowman parts out of the snow as before, but when eyes are needed to perfect the end re…
(ADX Florence, Colorado) Ted Kaczynski, also known as the “Unabomber” for his twenty-year domestic terrorism record of sending explosive bombs to random people and penning a 35,000-word essay against technology, has found a new relevance in this age...
In what many consider the most encouraging climate news of the decade, it's been reported that nighttime temperatures in Antarctica dipped below freezing on at least two occasions in June of 2019. "Clearly our efforts to reduce greenhouse gas em...
President Trump has signed an executive order with new Energy rules. The first is that all nuclear reactors must switch to coal as an energy source. Trump's new rules also require burning books to use for heat and energy, since, as Trump says, "n...
"Nonsense," scoffed President Donald Trump in response to widely-circulating rumors that he may be the Antichrist. “Granted, I may be a little abrasive, but I’m not the Antichrist.” “Or Satan,” he clarified. The rumors that Trump could in fact...
Forget buns of steel, champion bodybuilder Debi Lou Byrd has set a world precedent for any athlete: her buns can literally squeeze coal into diamonds. Debi's Diamonds are very small and not up to gem quality and so the diamond industry has barely...
It has been a whirlwind two weeks for the new US president, and impeachment or the funny farm are surely just around the corner for Trump. Nevertheless, today he prepared to finish off another promise he made during the campaign - the vague one to ma...
OLE PLAYING POSSUM, Ky. - Donald Trump is starting up a small industry in this small Kentucky town, once a coal mining center for the local area. About a decade ago, 300 high-paying coal mining jobs were lost here and the small village has seen bette...
PALO ALTO, CA - Telsa Motors' CEO, Ellen Mush, announced their next "green" vehicle - The Telsa Model C. The model C is the first coal-powered vehicle since the 1884 Trepardeux. It was a coal fired steam propelled carriage. Ms. Mush said the new M...
NORTH POLE - For the tenth consecutive year, Santa Claus gave out coal and candy canes to trick-or-treaters. Hordes of children and their parents traveled to the North Pole to meet the jolly old man, who happily welcomed each visitor by name.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Thousands of protestors in California gathered for public awareness on the threat of coal. "Imminent and complete extinction of all life on the planet" could occur before the next election if drastic measures are not taken, or som...
Scientists at the US National Solar Observatory issued a warning this week that our Sun appears to be heading towards another 'Maunder Minimum' - a period between 1645-1715 when there was an almost complete absence of sunspots. That was also the peri...
The British Coal Corporation has announced that they are to reopen Wearmouth Colliery. In recent years there has been an upturn in the demand for coal. In the wake of an upcoming crisis, experts are advising that the UK needs to become more self-...
Geneva, Switzerland - Swiss scientist monitoring new sophisticated seismograph equipment originally produced in America but illegally and cheaply reproduced in China for half price have been recording strange Earth vibrations for months. The adva...
Residents of the Arctic town of Sealgut Alaska have resorted to extreme means to get their heating fuel supplies for this winter. Faced by two months of near total darkness and bone-chilling cold with little economic resources to carry them throu...
Anthracite America has fueled the Industrial Revolution and the rise of the United Mine Workers Union and powered WWII's energy needs, not to mention its deadly epidemic of Black Lung Disease. This week when local coal mining county leaders debat...
Bah Humbug! Sometimes you just want to be a grinch. Celebrate your inner grinch by being a grouch and frowning on the festive glow of the holidays.
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