Trump Reveals Plan to Pay for Border Wall

Written by The Limericist

Monday, 30 January 2017

Sunday, January 29, 2017 -- In a barrage of early-morning tweets, President Donald J. Trump has revealed his plan to pay for his proposed wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. The tweets were as colorful as ever, but displayed a new sense of discipline. Keeping up his end of an agreement reached with Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Trump avoided using the words "wall" and "Mexico" in the same sentence.

He did begin, however, by taking the Mexican President to task: "Just learned that Pena Nieto was one among millions of Mexicans who streamed across the border to vote for Hillary in California."

Trump continued in his next tweet: "This was orchestrated by Crooked Hillary in attempt to subvert the will of the American people. Who all LOVE ME! She's guilty as hell. SAD!"

He went on: "The Mexicans have beaten us like a drum, stealing our jobs and trying to steal our elections. And this after we bought all their tacos and gave Oscars to their overrated directors!"

"Won't happen any more when we build our beautiful, tall wall that pipsqueaks from south of the border won't be able to scale. And the American people WON'T HAVE TO PAY A CENT for the wall!"

"We're going to confiscate the Oscars given undeservedly to Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu and Alfonso Cuaron in recent years. Melt them down and use the gold to pay for the wall!"

"If that's not enough we'll take back Meryl Streep's Oscars too. And if we need more, there's always the Iraqi oil. Problem solved! SMART! TOUGH! WINNER!"

Asked for comment, Mexican Director Gonzalez Inarritu replied: "The bear took it easy on Leonardo. We'll release him good and hungry when that ridiculous hairpiece comes to examine his useless wall."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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