Putin Supports Trump, Says He Also Wants America First

Written by The Limericist

Sunday, 29 January 2017

image for Putin Supports Trump, Says He Also Wants America First
Vladimir Putin at a news conference

Vladimir Putin held a news conference on Saturday, January 28 to discuss the telephone conversation he had earlier in the day with President Donald J. Trump of the United States. Putin described the conversation as friendly and constructive, a start on a new era of collaboration between the two countries.

Putin said he began by congratulating Trump on his enormous inauguration crowd. "It was much larger than the crowds claimed previously by Barack Obama, after one discounts the three million illegal immigrants who showed up for Obama's inauguration."

Putin expressed his admiration for Trump as a man he can do business with. "He's a Golden Boy. I agree with his assessment that he's an asset, one I'm quite proud of." Asked by a reporter if he was concerned at all about Trump's narcissism, Putin replied: "No. I understand from my experts that it results from a small polonium contamination."

Putin said that he and Trump discussed collaborating on fighting terrorism, improving the economic prosperity of both countries, lifting U.S. sanctions against Russia and dividing up the rest of the world. "The discussion was very easy because we have common goals. We both want America First."

At the close of the news conference, Putin was overheard humming to himself a Leonard Cohen song: "First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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