Given the reluctance of bleeding heart tree hugging American artsy musicians to perform at the inauguration of their newly elected Dear Leader, Washington staffers have booked the Russian punk band "Pussy Riot" to headline at the event.
Russian president Vladimir Poutine is quoted as saying to his country's press: "It gives me great pride to showcase such an avant-garde Russian talent in America on such a momentous occasion. Plus, as a bonus, I can get those shrieking cunts out of sight, out of earshot, and out of the country, for much less than the price of sending them to the gulag. Though, I suppose, as a special favour to President Trump, I have to let them back in, eventually."
Said Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, spokespussy for the band: "We are great admirers of President Trump, and encourage the U.S. to fire a twenty-one gun salute in his honour. In fact, we have requested special permission to aim at least some of those guns ourselves!"
