Roy Cohn clones to replace all unworthy cabinet members

Funny story written by Newsbreaker

Saturday, 14 January 2017

image for Roy Cohn clones to replace all unworthy cabinet members
Trump responds to concerns on how clones should be delivered.

Donald Trump today has promised his base that should any of his cabinet members be found to be failing in their jobs, he would swiftly replace them. The person he has planned to nominate in place of what he called "losers" will be a clone of Donald Trump's former lawyer Roy Cohn. Trump called Cohn "a friend, a winner, and a true American patriot."

Cohn earned his place in American history in during the 1950s. Cohn stated as a prosecutor for the Rosenbergs, he convinced the judge that Mrs. Rosenberg deserved the death penalty more than her husband did. He was chief counsel to McCarthy in the hunt for communists in Hollywood, academia, & the military. Cohn's name would grow to be the most fearsome for a person to find in a suit against themselves in New York if not the nation.

Cohn became Trump's lawyer when he advised Trump and his father to counter-sue in a racial discrimination case against their properties. As an antisemitic Jew and possibly a homosexual homophobe, Cohn's loyalty was hard to earn. Various sources however claimed Cohn saw Trump as a friend until his death, and Trump called Cohn's death the death of an era.

Trump plans to divert funds from planned parenthood to a "planned pro-lifehood" program in order to pay people to supply their biological material such as eggs & wombs, pay the cloners, and pay for the construction of the facilities to make the Cohn clones. Many ethics groups are hesitating to support the idea, some scientists calling it "madness", but Congress has yet to make a statement.

Trump responded to concerns about the program over twitter:
(Can't we let the dead rest?) "Jesus brought people back from the dead. Why can't I?"

(How will the clones be rapidly advanced in age?) "I'll figure it out."

(Should we spend government money on this?) "You want the money to go to child murder instead?)

Kellyanne Conway defended Trump's enthusiasm about the Cohn cloning project on Fox news. "The are certainly a few concerns about the project but they're just bumps in the road really. Whatever issues there are, Mr. Trump is confident they can be worked out soon. Mr. Cohn could prove to be a valuable ally to the American people to make America great again."

Trump sees himself as the champion of a new era in America, an era that will return America to greatness. One of the ways Trump wants to return America to her greatness is to bring back the patriot Cohn into this era. He seemed most proud when he stated, "I will bring him back to life before my term is over."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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