Do Black Holes Matter?

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

image for Do Black Holes Matter?
Black Hole

BILLINGSGATE POST: In the supernova world of intergalactic phenomena, the subject of black holes sucking the innards of failing stars into their astronomical vacuum might challenge mere mortals not accustomed to thinking outside the box.

But allow me to digress. In a story somewhat related to this, which was published six years ago titled:"Victoria's Secret: Models Wear Crotch-less Panties Because There's No There There," I touched on this subject in a tasteful way, which was quite unusual for me at the time.

In that semi-lucid article, I borrowed a line from Gertrude Stein reflecting on the relative cultural merits of Oakland, California. She disdainfully suggested that, "There was no there there." Under the rules of satiric engagement, me using this quote might have been considered invidious to those blessed with serious frontal lobe displacement issues; collateral damage to some, a disguised blessing to others. However, by utilizing a long forgotten quasi-efficient mode of transcendental hyperbole, it was acknowledged that the reason these nymphet models had, 'no there there,' was because they had legs so long that they were considered virtual infinitesimal parallelograms.

Although this theory was received with mixed reviews by the International Geometric Society, more puerile thinking prevailed; this theory is now an accepted axiom. That being so, the fact that these models could wear crotch-less panties has been demystified to the casual observer due to my insightful research and conclusion.

Although the above dissertation has relatively little to do with answering the question as to whether black holes matter, once you have been sucked into one of these vast openings, nothing will matter; a fact that Spiro Agnew would attest to if alive today.

NOTE: As you travel through the infinity of space, please wave to the nearest quark you observe and tell it Dr. B sent you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more