"I could've sworn this influx of duplicate emails we've already seen before would present us with some new information."
After completing his review of the recently discovered email collection, FBI Director James Comey has stated that no additional evidence to further prosecute Secretary Hillary Clinton has been found. This has come as a shock to many who don't understand history and believed that this time would end differently then every single case before it.
"I can't believe the FBI would allow such a travesty," Trump said in a speech Sunday afternoon, "I mean we went through all the necessary legal procedures. We grossly over-exaggerated everything and promised indictment without any real evidence or basis for evaluation but didn't get the results we were hoping for. The FBI is rigged, gotta be."
The Republican Presidential Candidate didn't stay negative for long though as he then went on to describe his next wildly absurd plan that would no doubt backfire on him.
"I'm proud to announce that I've been endorsed by the famous ACME Corporation! Anything you need to destroy your opponents, they've got it. Border walls, pneumonia, emails, "Nasty women", you name it, ACME is there to provide you with a service that in no way could ever end up hurting me in the end. Speaking of which, I've also come up with a new plan to paint tunnels leading to Welfare and free tacos on the border wall so when the Mexicans run into it we can quickly ship them back before they even regain consciousness. Tune in next Tuesday to see how this works out!!"