Socks Speaks Out: Clintons' White House Cat Speaks Through Pet Psychic

Written by pinkwalrus

Saturday, 5 November 2016

image for Socks Speaks Out: Clintons' White House Cat Speaks Through Pet Psychic
Socks speaks his mind

Socks, the black and white tuxedo cat who was a Clinton family pet during the entire Bill Clinton presidency 1993-2001, contacted a medium, to weigh in on the 2016 presidential election.

Speaking through Charisma Rhapsody, pet psychic, Socks spoke out:

"Look, I'm talking now because all of us pets who have gone to the happy hunting ground are watching this election and wondering WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE.

Buddy and I have actually been sitting around talking about it. Buddy and I get along much better up here. He can't catch me or slobber all over me, so we're alright.

I'm the last person to be a huge Clinton fan.

The Clintons brought this dopey chocolate lab puppy (Buddy, I know you know I have nothing against you personally) into the White House mid-term when I already had the whole White House First Pet situation WELL under control thank you very much.

And then they had the poor judgement to take said dog with them to their next house while I went home with Clinton's secretary. To be honest, I always liked Betty Currie better anyway. But they took that dang dog with them to their home and what happens? Hit by a car within a year. (Buddy, you know I didn't really want that to happen to you. It happens to the best of us.)

Anyways, I'm not all "Rah, rah Team Clinton", but seriously have you all noticed what has happened in this election cycle?

You are in THE MOST warped carnival circus that any of us has ever witnessed. And the circus is in town not because Hillary Rodham Clinton is one of the candidates. If you remove one candidate from the ballot, you remove 95% of the crazy. But part of the amazing warped-ness of everything is that this showman has somehow managed to make it look like the craziness is coming equally from everywhere.

I'm not saying that the whole system doesn't need a serious chiropractic realignment. I'll come back to talk about that another time.

Look at some photos of me and Buddy hanging out at the White House. When were those times? Things look so sane. So decent. Or look at some photos from some happy times in your own life. Things are so warped down there right now that YOU DON'T EVEN SEEM TO REALIZE HOW WARPED EVERYTHING IS.

And now I will point out to you that our circus ringleader, Mr. T has absolutely NO pets. Zero. Nada. Not a goldfish. There's only some internet hoax out there about a sick golden retriever named Spinee (a hoax that has been played on multiple celebrities). The T-man will just be hauling some dead mounted animal heads to put on the walls of the White House.

No pets. None. Doesn't that say something about him? He can't keep a relationship going with a wife, let alone a dog.

Anyway, take a second to look at something from your life or the news from even a year ago and notice how much everything has been on one fast and hard ride down the toilet. And then get your asses to the polls.

Now excuse me, I'm going to go chase either a mouse or a squirrel. Or eat some fish. It's not so bad here.

Oh, and for the record, Cats Rule. Dogs Drool. (Except you, Buddy. Well, at least you don't drool now.)"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more