Naked Voting: How Liberals Got Their Groove Back

Funny story written by pinkwalrus

Sunday, 6 November 2016

image for Naked Voting: How Liberals Got Their Groove Back
Need a ride to the polls?

The 2016 Presidential Election has been largely uninspiring and demoralizing for the left-leaning side of the Democratic Party. If your top concerns include global warning, corporate greed, toxic chemicals, alternative transportation and urban community building, it's hard to feel like you've got a solid candidate at the table in Democratic Candidate Hillary Clinton.

Enter Naked Voting, the brainchild of progressive activist Aaron Freeman.

"Look, very few of us are feeling this election. It's hard to get behind a hawkish pant suit when you wear hemp.

Still, all of us who care for the planet know it could take less than 90 days with the nuclear codes burning a hole in his pocket for Trump to get wired up about someone's tweet and decide at 3 am that what he needs to do is fire off something nuclear.

Conway can't babysit him 24/7. And even she can't head him off most of the time.

We've got enough environmental crises on our hands as it is. We need more than 90 days to save the planet.

Knowing this, I knew the vote I needed to make but wasn't feeling so hot about it. I wanted to find some way to vote Hillary, and still feel like it was ME standing up for my priorities, to make my own statement."

Freeman's idea, to vote wearing just enough strategically placed kale leaves to keep him from getting arrested, struck a chord with his friends.

And the idea has caught on. Naked Voters have been showing up in early voting locations across the country, in all climates. Most are choosing kale for "coverage", but Swiss chard, collard greens, carrots and dandelions are also making a showing.

Naked Voting has become popular enough that it spawned an auxiliary idea.

Naked bikers across the U.S. now offer a lift to get others to the polls, a FreeRide. They offer rides to any who need transportation to vote (clothing optional).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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