Bobby Bush, Howard Stern, Anthony Weiner Determine Clinton-Trump Outcome

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 29 October 2016

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Bobby Bush, Howard Stern, Anthony Weiner Determine Clinton-Trump Outcome
HIS COUSIN BOBBY IS THE IMPORTANT BUSH

First Trump came for the Mexicans, calling them rapists, but in White Republican Households in the suburbs there are very few Mexicans. Then he came after African Americans but there are almost none in the households in question. Then he came after Asians, but there are few Asians in these households.

Then he came after a war hero, but in these households in the White Suburbs there are few war heroes, then he came after the gays but there are few gays (supposedly) in these households, then Trump came after a disabled reporter, but in White Suburbs, there are evidently not a lot of disabled people and then he came after the Muslims, but there are few Muslims in households in the white burbs, then he came after ugly women, but there are no ugly white women in White Republican suburbs.

Then he demeaned the press and reporters, but there are few reporters in White Republican households. Then he demeaned Iowans as having low IQ's. There are few Iowans in White suburbs. The White Republican Suburbanites weren't bothered much by any of these Trump statements. But then Trump was caught bragging about how he could grab women by the pussy and, hello!, that statement would include white women in America's white suburbs and white republican men's wives and daughters and teach their sons to treat white women with contempt and as objects of a lesser being.

So then the households of Republican white suburban America - those with some bare minimum of decency, decorum, and morality- said they could no longer support Trump.

But now James Comey, the director of the FBI, says that they had found e-mails on Anthony Weiner's computer that "appear to be pertinent" to the FBI's investigation into whether classified material from the state department was involved in Hillary Clinton's e-mails.

Now there is hysterical speculation on social media about the significance of the e-mails. There is bedlam and chaotic gossip on CNN, FOX, and MSNBC about the effect on the election.

This political riot all started because Anthony Weiner, who shared his computer with his wife, a Clinton operative, was being investigated by the FBI for possibly sexting to a minor and that computer seemingly had state department e-mails on it.

If Weiner didn't have problems with his wiener the whole FBI interference with the U.S. electoral process wouldn't have enabled the Trump and speculative media ejaculations.

The election is now 10 days away. What new revelations can we expect? In America, Howard Stern, Bobby Bush, Bill Clinton's penis, and Anthony Weiner's wiener determine the course of elections.

In America, the land of "values voters," "family values," and "Christian morality," it's all about sex and sexual assault. In America one in five women are the victims of sexual molestation. America is not a safe place for women, including White Republican women in the suburbs. What new revelations in such a nation will sway the voters in the undecided column in the election?

It won't be about climate change, economic inequality, U.S. imperialism, crumbling infrastructure, and huge increases in Obamacare insurance payments, a 3rd rate educational system, the oppression of Native Americans and that sort of thing. These issues are scandalous. But Americans care about another kind of scandal: sex and sexual assault. That's what turns them on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more