Trump Defends His Newest Brand: Blind Trust™

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

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Trump has proposed letting his children invest the country's Social Security funds through his new company Blind Trust™.

Preparing for an eventual Trump presidency, the brash billionaire's team is drawing up papers to incorporate Blind Trust™.

Already Democrats and Republicans alike are ridiculing the move as a cynical ploy to fool the public into thinking Trump can distance himself from his worldwide network of failed businesses and over-leveraged investments.

Before reporters could even finish asking Hillary Clinton for comment on Trump's Blind Trust™, she reflexively replied:

"It's just another example of how dangerous this man is and how wrong a Trump presidency would be for America."

Consumer advocate and former presidential candidate Ralph Nader had this to say about Trump's business holdings:

"Some of the business loans from the Russian banks are conditional on Donald Trump paying them back personally, so there is an inherent conflict of interest unless a future president Trump divests his holdings and pays off the Russians. That is unlikely to ever happen as it would expose the fragility of the Trump financial structure which is extremely under capitalized."

Trump defended his Blind Trust™ when he spoke at a rally in Wisconsin.

"This will be the umbrella company for all of my businesses, so my kids can run it all when I'm president. As for the name, Blind Trust™ was the stupidest and shallowest name I could think of for a blind trust, and that's what I usually go with."

"And look--here's the beautiful thing--I'll introduce a law so my kids can invest the country's Social Security funds using Blind Trust™. We're going to make so much money for Social Security it'll make your head spin."

The adulating crowd roared in approval and several ladies swooned as The Donald exalted in his element.

The next day on CNN Jake Tapper pressed Trump on his policies saying, "What your proposing, handing your businesses to your kids to run is not a blind trust, no matter what you call it, and it is going to run into conflicts of interest. On the Social Security question, the house and senate have already shot down other proposals for investing Social Security in the stock market and, Paul Ryan has already said your Social Security proposal will not pass. How are you going to make these things happen?"

"Well Jake," trump sighed, "you, the media, and the Republicans are all saying Trump can't do this, he won't be able to do that, or he can't build a wall. If I have to do it by executive order, then that's what it will take, and Blind Trust™ will be way less unconstitutional than president Ebola's executive orders and certainly won't be illegal like the crimes committed by crooked Hillary."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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