Debate a draw at minus 6 on a ten point scale

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Monday, 10 October 2016

image for Debate a draw at minus 6 on a ten point scale
Ex-presidents up in Heaven said "maybe next time" on joining the presidential debates

Wide-ranging response to presidential debate 2 has now settled down to a tie, with a rating of minus 6 on a ten point scale for each candidate.

A 1 on a ten point scale would be much lower than a 9. A 9 would indicate "very good" or "excellent."

Asked to interpret the "minus 6" rating, a spokesperson for moderator Mr. Anderson Cooper responded: "That would be something like finding dog-doo on your shoe after a walk in the garden."

The hit of the debate was Mr. Ken Bone, an immediate internet sensation, who asked:

"What steps will your energy policy take to meet our energy needs while at the same time remaining environmentally friendly and minimizing job loss for fossil power plant workers?"

The candidates answered by mostly indicating support for the status quo and ignoring the "environmentally friendly" part of the question.

A spokesperson for Mr. Bone later indicated his evaluation of their answers was a 1 on a ten point scale.

Additionally, in a separate auditorium where thousands gathered to be asked their views on the debate and other questions, response was an overwhelming YES! when asked the following:

"Would you prefer to have some other candidates than the two now officially trying to win the office?"

The roaring sound accompanying this response was "fit to turn back Hurricane Matthew" according to a spokesperson for Martha Raddatz, who was on hand.

The question was then asked: "Would you prefer Mr. Bone as your presidential candidate?"

Trained observers at this scene have ascertained the roof of this auditorium, at this point, actually lifted off several inches due to audience approval.

Other observers said that afterwards, additional to Mr. Bone's name, came shouts of--

"Anyone! Anyone! Please, give us some OTHER candidates!"

Politico asserted this debate was "the ugliest" in presidential election history.

A flood of tweets from Heaven underscored the dissatisfaction of several departed US presidents appalled by the spectacle of this election.

Mr. Washington tweeted: "Associate yourself with people of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."

Mr. Lincoln added: "If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

His mother replied to his tweet: "Son, this is your mother. What we've got down there ought to be thrown out with the dishwater."

A spokesperson for the first debate moderator Mr. Holt stated: "We asked several deceased presidents up in Heaven to participate in these debates, and they all said, 'Maybe next time'."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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