Washington DC - On the heels of Donald Trump's obscene comments regarding his failed attempt to hit on a married woman by taking her furniture shopping, a tape has surfaced in which Hillary Clinton made a series of lewd comments to long time confidant Huma Adebin during a limousine ride through New York City. The first lady is heard complaining about how the terror attack is stalling traffic.
(Readers should be warned that the language used by Mrs. Clinton on the tape is very crude).
"God Damn It Driver! Get me the fuck to my high rise so I can take a shit!" Clinton screeches at one point.
"The Senator has to take a shit," says Abedin. "Step on it. Drive over that vagrant. They'll blame it on the Jews who secretly financed today's attack by so-called Muslims."
At another point Clinton comments on the burning twin towers.
"I've always thought they were extremely phallic. Much more than Empire State Building. What kind of a cock has a pointy tip like that?"
Later Clinton likened the burning of Tower I (which she called Wang One) to her husband's penis.
"Is that not an apt allegory for the syphillis my husband's ding-a-ling had after he dipped it in that one local reporter broad from Kansas?" she asked Abideen.
"The one with the big tits?" Abideen asks.
"Well, all five of them had pretty big tits, but yes, it was the one with the biggest tits - the skanky ho' who sucked her way into local news mediocrity."
Abedin and Clinton are also heard discussing Abedin's husband's cock.
"I saw him polishing it when I stepped into your office shitter the other day," Clinton said.
"He wasn't wanking it!" Abedin retorted.
"Do you mind if I roll up this window?" the driver asked, apparently sick of the ladies' potty mouths
"Shut up low life and do what your told!" Clinton and Abideen screeched simultaneously.
Clinton said, "I didn't mean to imply Anthony was stroking it in your office crapper. I merely meant I saw him polishing it with some kind of almond smelling oil of some sort."
"Well, he likes to keep it in tip top shape," Abedin said.
"He should put it up on the internet so everyone can check it out," Clinton said.
"I will order him to do so," Abedin said.