New York, NY - After conferring with Ivanka Trump and Marla Maples, Donald J. Trump had decided to sue NASA over its recent decision to change the Zodiac signs for 80% of the world's population. Trump's sign was changed from Gemini to Taurus. A Gemini is expressive, quick-witted, sociable, communicative and ready for fun, yet also very serious and thoughtful. A Taurus can be lazy, stubborn, materialistic and possessive.
"I am not a Taurus, America. I have the temperament to be President."
At a rally Trump ranted uncontrollably and off script about the change.
"This Zodiac change was made by Hillary just before the election to convince voters that I have a bad temperament. She has a relationship with someone at NASA, a woman, from CHINA."
Trump continued, "Hillary is not faithful to her husband by the way. She and I got together at my daughter's wedding years ago while Bill was talking privately with Melania. So ask Hilary about my stamina that night. I had two to three minutes of stamina at least, believe me."
"I am a genius by the way. Ask Giuliani and Christie. I almost lost two billion dollars but I saved my business through bankruptcy and only lost only a billion," said Trump. "I don't have to do anything to be so wealthy because my father made me too big to fail and because I have evaded paying taxes for decades."
"And that Miss Universe IS disgusting, filmed a porn video with me, I was in it, just to get ahead. I am not sexist, it is just that Crooked Hillary is just not pretty or sexy enough to be President."
Scholars note that Trump is just trying to change the topic from his tax return scandal, bad debate performance, questions about his temperament and stamina, ongoing sexism claims, and claims that he filmed a porn movie.
Senator Ted Cruz, now a reluctant Trump supporter, was at one time claimed by Trump to be the Zodiac Killer. Ted Cruz tweeted, "This Zodiac Killer needs to start over, got his victims' signs all wrong afterall, so please vote your conscience America, Vote Your Conscience!"
And Hillary tweeted, "Donald, I hear you are a Taurus now, I agree, everything you say is a bunch of BULL."